An unprecedented sociological survey in France studies the adaptation of lesbian mothers to the dominant heterosexual norm and the new forms of family life that they invent through their daily lives. A social fact with regard to which the law is today at odds.
In the wake of a significant number of Anglo-American studies on new parenthoods, Virginie Descoutures’ pioneering book, Lesbian mothersawarded the university research prize (The World)comes at the right time. Very few works, very few field studies on same-sex parent families exist in France for a very simple reason: the fear felt by homosexual couples (and for their children) of being stigmatized, ostracized, or even pursued by justice, makes them balk at the demands of researchers in the human sciences. In her investigation, the first large-scale study of its kind, Virginie Descoutures presents the cases of 48 homosexual women raising as a couple children they conceived in a same-sex parenting context, some having resorted to artificial insemination with a known donor (in France) or unknown (in Belgium), others by adopting children as single people, and finally others inventing co-parenting with a man (homo or heterosexual) or a homosexual couple.
The first contribution – and perhaps the essential – of Virginie Descoutures’ work is to bring to light, for those who are still unaware of it, either deliberately or through incompetence, the completely real and banal existence of these families. . Banal in the sense that the testimonies confront us with the same degree of questioning, of concern for the future of one’s relationship and/or one’s children as any heterosexual family structure. traditional “. The second essential contribution of the book is to underline that in France, despite the ban and the fear of stigmatization, new forms of parenting have been created, are evolving and will not disappear.
Throughout the work, but more particularly in the first part (“ Heteronormativity in everyday life “), Descoutures explores the question of heteronormativity, and attempts to evaluate in each interview to what extent the respondents focus on delivering the most “ normal » of their family « a-normal “, or to correspond themselves to the image “ normal » of the traditional heterosexual family. Descoutures arrives at a provisional conclusion which underlines the importance of a factor which one could call “ make do with it and more “. It is obvious that the weight of heteronormativity weighs heavily, it is also obvious that building a non-traditional family, these women feel obliged to “ succeed “, perhaps more than the parents” traditional », and that this last factor serves as a real driving force in the commitment to create a family. The same phenomenon has been analyzed and cited in studies on the development and well-being of children raised by homosexual couples. A strong emotional and psychological commitment from parents naturally allows children to flourish, to have a broader open-mindedness than others, a stronger investment in school, etc.
Beyond the problems linked to the complex relationships that homoparental families have with heteronormativity in general and French society in particular, the work of Virginie Descoutures is also the first to report, through the different configurations of the homoparental families studied, of the complexity of relationships not only between mothers/children/surrounding society but between self-image and one’s role within the couple/family. The sociologist therefore looks at the daily life of these families, the way of experiencing the arrival of a child in the couple, the different visions of the education of a child, the division of domestic labor. Thus, throughout this second part of the book (“ An experience of parenthood “), she manages to demonstrate that where the “ male domination » often plays a role in the heterosexual couple in sharing domestic tasks (father more involved in professional work for x/y/z reasons, mother more present with the children and the home, not by choice but for these same reasons professional/salaries), it is on the other hand the notion of “ availability » and/or “ skill » which prevails in families of lesbian couples. In other words, negotiation takes place more easily and more flexibly around free time and SKILLS » (cooking, shopping, cleaning, laundry, children’s homework) from each other, and not according to a traditional normative pattern (father = authority, investment outside the home, mother = tenderness, investment inside the hearth).
Indeed, the observation of homoparental families leads to a radical questioning of the functioning of the heterosexual family “ traditional “. As the author writes in her conclusion, “ Lesbian mothers are not just a reflection of the norms governing married and family life. They are not a mechanical manifestation of the heteronormative framework with which they must deal. They also act on him. On the one hand by redefining it day after day, by making the legal and symbolic impossible possible in practice. Thus, parental ‘work’ acts on a daily basis on the way in which the norm is made and unmade (…) an action on the norms takes place simply because the existence of same-sex parent families introduces into the relationships that they generate on a daily basis with the rest of society a redefinition of possibilities » (emphasis mine). Consequently, although same-sex parenthood is not legally recognized in France, by its existence and especially the links that these families maintain with their environment, in particular the school and its teachers, or even the care centers and doctors treating patients, a certain form of institutional recognition is offered to them.
This institutional recognition, minimal indeed but nevertheless essential, has just suffered a hard blow with the decision on January 28 of the Constitutional Council which declared conform to the Constitution the texts governing marriage in France as between a man and a woman (we must wait now a change of parliamentary majority). France thus strengthens its position of “ red lantern » in Europe since to date many European countries and around the world have legalized the marriage of same-sex couples, which not only offers same-sex couples full recognition of their civil rights, but their children security legal/economic and finally a long-awaited symbolic inscription in the society of which we are all part.
In any case, one way to overcome this French situation is to encourage the pursuit of studies similar to those of Virginie Descoutures. Mention should be made about the appendices to the work which complete this significant investigative work.